最棒的英文寫作教程(四)

過去幾年來，我們的編輯們注意到一些令人驚歎的描述變得非常乏味，有些冷漠滑稽的題目變成了令人興奮的讀物。究其原因是寫作風格。請讀一讀為創建本課程提供諮詢的一些錄取官員的建議與忠告：

使用口語體和易懂的語言生動描繪一個真實的從容隨和的形象。

務必使自己的文章讓人讀得下去，不要讓我們讀起來感到費力。你的文章應有高潮，應使各個部分緊密關聯，圍繞一個要點，緊緊抓住讀者的興趣。

不要讓我們感到厭煩。往往是單調的風格而不是題材本身使得文章枯燥無味。

我們的編輯所作的修改絕大部分屬於這五類中的一類：句子長度變化，選詞，動詞時態，轉折和文章的陳腐的表達方式。要是你上英語課時沒留心的話，以下幾點可幫你復習、記憶。

一、句子長度變化

許多申請者認為自己寫的句子越長越好。事實並非如此。你不必用長的、複雜的句子來說明你的文章寫得好。事實上，短句子卻經常能包含許多內容。最好的文章其句子長度變化不一，任何一段都含有長句 短句。你可以試一試大聲朗讀自己的文章，有句號時停頓一下。聽聽你的作文的節奏。所有的句子長度相同嗎？如果整個一段的句子饒舌拗口，或是你讀到某一點時喘不過氣來，那你就把它們分成較短的句 子。你也許需要試一試更有規律的方法。

練習：句子長度變化

一旦文章寫完了，你就把每個句子按其長度標號，“短”（少於10個詞），“中等”（少於20個詞），或“長”（20或20個詞以上）。一個寫得好的段落讀起來可能是這樣的：中---短---中---長---中---?獺６黃菰鋟ξ兜奈惱略蚴牽憾?--短---短---長---長---長。

二、選詞

切勿隨意用深奧的詞
不少申請者還會陷入另一個誤區：認為好的文章是用深奧的辭彙寫成的。當然，如果用得自然，並正確地用在恰當的語境中，高級辭彙是很好的。

要說明，不要只是敍述。
情況往往是這樣，含有有趣故事的一篇文章結果往往會變成這樣一連串的句子，這些句子只是在講述而不是將作者的品質展現給讀者。學生們錯誤地認為讀者不會“知道”，如果他們自己不把主要的論點說 絕。這樣，文章就不能不充滿陳腐用語、套語，什麼“努力奮鬥和堅持不懈的價值”，“學會區別對待”，“不要以為喜歡的就是好的”，“實現夢想”或“從錯誤中吸取教訓”，等等。這類句子如果用得 少，如用於主題句，是可以接受的，但是優秀的文章根本不用。相反，要讓你的故事細節來說明自己。下面的例子能說明這種區別。

在一篇平庸的文章：I developed a new compassion for the disabled.
在一篇較好的文章：Whenever I had the chance to help the disabled, I did so happily.
在一篇優秀的文章：The next time Ms. Cooper asked me to help her across the street, I smiled and immediately took her arm.

第一個例子沒提供細節，第二個例子仍只是假設，但是最後一個例子卻能使人想起一個真正發生過的生動場面，因此使讀者置於申請人的經歷之中。

不要過於口語化
俚語，陳腐用語，縮略詞，以及過分隨便的語氣等，除了最非正式的文章，都不應該使用。
下面這個選段可作為大學作文四個犯忌的例子：

You are probably wondering, what are the political issues that make this kid really mad? Well, I get steamed when I hear about my friends throwing away their right to vote. Voting is part of what makes this country great. Some people believe that their vote doesn’t count. Well, I think they’re wrong.

在類似這樣的文章裏，如果你要證明你對事物的態度是認真的，那麼你的語言本身也應該嚴肅認真。只有那些非傳統的文章，例如那些以敍事體或對話形式寫的文章，才應該依靠口語體的表達方式。只有你 有意識地要取得能傳達自己的意思的效果時你才用非正式的文體寫。

不要老是重複“I”作為句子的開頭。
文章的第一稿有許多非常典型的句子類型，例如，“I + 動詞 + 賓語”（I play soccer.）。要是在一篇文章裏這樣的簡單結構用得太多，那麼會產生兩種效果：其一，你的語言顯得膚淺簡單；其二，在人家看來你非常高傲 ? 試想一下，你和某人談話，而她總是談論自己。這兒有個技巧，那就是改變用詞而不改變意思。例如：

修改前： I started playing piano when I was eight years old. I worked hard to learn difficult pieces. I learned about the effort needed to improve myself. I began to love music.

修改後： I started playing the piano at the age of eight. From the beginning, I worked hard to learn difficult pieces, and this struggle taught me the effort needed for self-improvement. My work with the piano nourished my love for music.

不要重複句子主語的名詞。
在寫有關足球（或領導才能）的文章裏，不要反復使用”soccer” (或 “leadership”) 一詞。名詞的重複其效果和上面提到的“I”的重複一樣使人覺得你的語言膚淺。用可替代的片語代替主語名詞。例如，你可用一些意義模糊的同義詞（如“the sport “,”the game “）或具體的短語（如”going to practice”, “completing a pass”）來替代”soccer”。在寫”leadership”（”領導才能“。時，可用”setting an example”或“coordinating a group effort” 等短語替代。

補充：刪除多餘的詞 （51edit.com 網站提供）下面的單詞和片語通常可以從文章中刪除而不失去任何意思。多餘的詞使文章失去活力，因為它們使語言複雜化而空洞（在某些領域也稱為“廢話”，這是該詞的一個語氣更強的變體詞）。以下 的短語的確使句子顯得臃腫，因為它們要求使用被動語態，即”to be + 動詞的過去分詞形式“。I believe that, I feel that, I hope that, I think that, I realized that, I learned that, in other words, in order to, in fact, it is essential that, it is important to see that, the reason why, the thing that is most important is, this is important because, this means that, the point is that, really, very, somewhat, absolutely, definitely, surely, truly, probably, practically, hopefully, in conclusion, in summary.在看看“X 和Y”這兩個贅詞，儘管其意義十分細微。下面列出的只是許許多多例子中的幾個。每一對中兩個詞的意思幾乎相同，因此，為何兩個詞都要寫上？這些贅詞告訴讀者，作者並沒考慮他在說什麼。陳詞濫調?⒗弦惶椎拇室歡啵愕奈惱綠鵠淳陀腖釁淥惱虜畈歡唷２灰覽嫡廡┯瀉ξ摶嫻鬧氐首椋ο胍幌敫尤非械拇駛悖蛭廡┐駛隳苷嬲魅匪得髂愣撈氐木ard work and effort, teamwork and cooperation, dreams and aspirations, personal growth and development, determination and diligence, challenges and difficulties, objectives and goals, worries and concerns, love and caring.

三、動詞

寫文章時，記得把注意力放在動詞上，儘量少用形容詞。讓句子堆滿形容詞和副詞和增加細節或色彩並非一回事。形容詞和副詞只增加無力的描寫，但是動詞增加了有力的行動。

被動語態

我們的編輯發現學生申請入學的作文最大的一個缺點是經常使用被動語態。你們將從這短短的一課瞭解：為什麼應避免被動語態，如何確定，以及如何用主動語態更好地表達。

在一篇文章中通篇濫用被動語態會使你的文章顯得平淡無味。使用主動語態的句子比使用被動語態的句子更簡潔。由於被動語態的句子總包含動詞be的一個形式，如am, is, was, were, are, 或 been，因此你可以識別其表達方式。然而，有be-動詞出現不一定說明句子是被動語態，在被動語態的句子裏，句子主語是動詞所表示的動作的承受者，即動作是作用於主語的。在主動語態的句子裏，動詞?硎鏡畝魘侵饔鎪瓿傻模粗饔鍤鞘┒摺?

例子：
（被動）I was selected to be the tuba player by the band leader.
（主動）The bandleader selected me to be the tuba player.
（被動） I will be prepared for college as a result of the lessons my mother taught me.
（主動）My mother taught me lessons that will prepare me for college

（被動） I am reminded of her voice every time I hear that song.
（主動）That song reminds me of her voice.
練習：強式動詞與弱式動詞
用最富描寫性或最有描述意義的動詞短語填空：
1. After working closely with my mentor, I __________ advanced techniques in oil painting.
a) was beginning to master
b) began to master
c) mastered
2. My newspaper article on the labor strikes __________ both praise and criticism.
a) generated
b) got
c) was the recipient of
3. Once I joined the debate team, I __________ the opportunity to compete every weekend.
a) sought
b) had
c) was exposed to
4. Samuel’s touchdown __________ the stadium crowd.
a) created much energy in
b) energized
c) really energized
5. Woolf’s essay __________ my opinion of gender inequality.
a) challenged
b) made me take another look at
c) was challenging to
6. As Jessica drew near me, I __________ the baton and took off running.
a) grasped
b) got
c) was given
7. Once my mother had fallen asleep, I __________ the dolls on her nightstand.
a) put
b) arranged
c) set up
8. Chris and I __________ an educational project for first-graders in our community.
a) began
b) started
c) initiated
9. “Why didn’t you ask me before throwing it away?” Jason __________.
a) hollered
b) said angrily
c) started to yell
10. Mr. Franklin __________ that he was our true father.
a) let us know
b) told us
c) revealed
答案:
1) c; 2) a; 3) a; 4) b; 5) a; 6) a; 7) b; 8) c; 9) a; 10) c;


將被動語態改為主動語態

如果你要將被動句改為主動句，必須先找出施事者，即完成動詞所表示的動作的人或物。將該“施事者”作為句子的主語，然後對動詞做相應的改變。你可以按照以下這些步驟來處理你文章中許多被動語態 的句子：
1．全面檢查一下”was” 和”were”這兩個詞，因為它們經常表示被動。
2．劃掉 “was” 或 “were”。
3．在 “was” 或 “were” 後面的動詞上加 “-ed”。
4．如果改變了的動詞沒有語法意義，那它就是個不規則動詞，因此需把它改為一般的過去時態。
5．圍繞這個新的主動語態動詞重寫句子。

練習：使句子意義更主動
將以下被動語態的句子改為主動語態。注意：有些句子無須改變。

1. I was taught by my brother the principles of barbecuing.
_______________________________________________________________
2. My father was given the title by the former head chief.
_______________________________________________________________
3. The house was wrecked by the party and the cat was let loose by the guests.
_______________________________________________________________
4. The house is a mess, the cat is lost, and the car has been stolen by Justin.
_______________________________________________________________
5. Unfortunately, my plan was ruined by Gerald, the building superintendent.
_______________________________________________________________
6. The roof was leaking. It had been leaking all week.
__________________________________________________________________
7. The ball was thrown by Lucy, who had been hiding in the bushes.
_______________________________________________________________
8. Francesca was placed on the first flight to Boston. Her father put her there.
_______________________________________________________________
9. “To be or not to be?” That is the question.
_______________________________________________________________
10. A feast had been created from nothing. I was astounded.
_______________________________________________________________
答案：
1. My brother taught me the principles of barbecuing.
2. The former head chief gave the title to my father.
3. The party wrecked the house and the guests let the cat loose.
4. The house is a mess, the cat is lost, and Justin has stolen the car.
5. Unfortunately, Gerald, the building superintendent, ruined my plan.
6. No change.
7. Lucy, who had been hiding in the bushes, threw the ball.
8. Francesca’s father placed her on the first flight to Boston.
9. No change.
10. A feast had been created from nothing. This astounded me.


練習：被動語態 —— 自由作文

寫一篇100詞的短文，題目不限（但最好與你的文章題目有關），不用動詞 “to be” 的任何形式。

四、轉折語

申請者常常忽視轉折語對自己文章的危害。一篇好的文章在一段裏面、特別是段落與段落之間一定要使用轉折語，以便保持文章的流暢邏輯。沒有轉折語的文章就象一群孤立的小島，讀者要費盡力氣才能從 一點轉到另一點。因此，要用轉折語作為連接你的各種想法的橋樑。當你從一個段落到另一個段落時，你除了繼續講你的故事，你不必再為你的敍述進行解釋。如果段落之間的轉折需要解釋，那麼你的文章 要麼範圍太大，要麼不夠流暢，缺乏邏輯。一個好的轉折句子可以填補兩段之間所缺的那一行。

不必太多地考慮如何去造轉折句。如果你的提綱的概念很自然地一個接一個，後一個以前一個為前提，那麼轉折語也在其中了。切勿強迫自己使用轉折語，儘量避免使用諸如“however”, ”nevertheless”, 或 “furthermore” 這些詞。如果你覺得段落之間的轉折有困難，或想把某個轉折語強加進一個已寫好的段落裏去，那麼，這可能說明你文章的總的結構有問題。如果你對此有懷疑，則回頭再讀一讀你原先的提綱，看你是否每 一段寫一個要點，是否每個要點聯繫自然，前後連貫，結論符合邏輯。最後一段的轉折語特別關鍵。如果對你如何得出最後的想法不清楚，那麼說明你提綱的結論是硬塞進去的，或你的提綱缺乏中心。

如果你對自己文章的結構有信心，但發現自己可能在適當轉折的地方給難住了，那麼試試重複前一段的關鍵字使自己的想法發展下去。如果不行，那麼作為最後的一招，試從以下列出的常用轉折語中找到你 所需要的。

添加事實或資訊，可用：
as well, and, additionally, furthermore, also, too, in addition, another, beside, moreover, etc.

表示事件發生的時間順序，可用：
first of all, meanwhile, followed by, then, next, before, after, last, finally, one month later, one year later, etc.

按重要性程度順序列舉事物，可用：
first, second etc., next, last, finally, more importantly, more significantly, above all, primarily, etc.

聯繫自己的想法與事實或例子，可用：
for example, for instance, to illustrate, this can be seen, etc.

表示因果關係，可用：
as a result, thus, consequently, eventually, therefore, etc.

表示對比，可用：
nonetheless, however, yet, but, though, on the other hand, although, even though, in contrast, unlike, differing from, on the contrary, instead, whereas, nevertheless, despite, regardless of, etc.

表示比較，可用：
in a different sense, similarly, likewise, similar to, like, just as, conversely, etc.

練習7：轉折語

用有效的轉折語（如果需要的話）將下面的句子連接起來。（在某些情況下， 兩個句子可各自成立而不須用轉折語）

1. Ordinarily, I took my responsibility seriously and would write down classmates' names to preserve the silence and decorum of the school environment.
When a different teacher walked in, a teacher known to punish too hard and painfully, I decided to save my friends from his hard strokes, and I erased all the names.

2. Despite the windy conditions and below freezing temperatures, I could not tear myself away from the awe-inspiring beauty of the cosmos. Despite the frustration and difficulties inherent in scientific study, I cannot retreat from my goal of universal understanding.

3. But the sadness with which she responded, stating, "He died when he was a baby,” convinced me that it was true.It affected me as nothing ever would again.

4. Finishing the test in an unspectacular six minutes and five seconds, I stumbled off the erg more exhausted than I had ever been. That night, I went home and caught a cold. Had I followed my survivalist and rationalist instincts, I would have quit rowing then and there;

5. Immediately, I realized that I must dedicate my life to understanding the causes of the universe's beauty. The hike taught me several valuable lessons that will allow me to increase my understanding through scientific research.

6. After my grandfather’s death, I began to understand and follow his sage advice.
I pulled out a picture of my grandfather and me at Disneyland.

7. Often, she had to work from dusk to dawn living a double life as a student and a financially responsible adult. My mother managed to keep a positive disposition.

8. In addition to working and studying, she found time to make weekly visits to terminally ill and abandoned children in the local hospital. My mother developed the value of selflessness.

9. My mother made me learn Indonesian, the official language of our country. Also, she wanted me to develop interests in various academic and extracurricular fields.

答案:
1) However; 2) Similarly; 3) The shock of this revelation at such a tender age; 4) That was three seasons ago. 5) In addition; 6) To cope with his passing; 7) Despite the burdens she faced; 8) From her experiences during college; 9) My mother did not only want me to have a broad knowledge of languages.

五、陳腐用語

根據Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary, “陳腐用語“定義為：”a trite phrase or expression”, “a hackneyed theme, characterization, rsituation”, 或 “something that has become overly familiar or commonplace”. 也就是說，“陳詞濫調，用濫了的套語；陳腐的思想；陳腐的主題或情節、角色、手法等”。任何一項都不要出現在你的文章裏。“陳腐用語”會使你的作文看起來鬆散，思想看起來普通，經驗平凡。記住 以下所列的句子並避免使這些以及其他的陳腐用語出現在自己的文章中。

1. I always learn from my mistakes
2. I know my dreams will come true
3. I can make a difference
4. _________ is my passion
5. I no longer take my loved ones for granted
6. These lessons are useful both on and off the field (or other sporting arena)
7. I realized the value of hard work and perseverance
8. _________ was the greatest lesson of all
9. I know what it is to triumph over adversity
10. _________ opened my eyes to a whole new world